13 Years

13 years ago today was the absolute worst day of my entire life.  I hope and pray I will never experience such a day again.  I try to not be fearful about it, but at times fear grips me when I think about ever losing someone close to me again.  I miss my sister and my cousin so very much.  Most of the time I can push it out of my mind and not give it much thought.  If it lingers too long in my mind I can barely stand the ache in my heart sometimes.  I know I've said before that this time of year is always a hard one for me and this was no exception.  I always tend to get way out of whack about a month from the anniversary and can't quite put a finger on why until I realize Dec 2nd is about to rear it's ugly head.  On December 2nd I can't push it out of my mind quite as easily because every time I look at the calendar it SCREAMS at me loudly -- this is the day Jill and Melodee died.  No chance to say goodbye, no last laughs, no last hugs, kisses, cuddles.  It wasn't fair, I'll never understand why, but am thankful it's not permanent and the pain I feel today will one day eternally be replaced with the joy of spending eternity together with Jesus.